Confuzzlement and confoundation

is my heart really such a mess?

I want to share magic with the world
but I don't feel any inside.

I want to miss someone that I love
I know that the love is there
even though I don't feel it
but I feel the absence of it

I want to remember the sweetness
of songs in the moonlight
the turmoil in my heart
that you awoke in me

I want to get angry
at the rough and rugged road
at the lack of signs
where came forks and intersections
at those who stood by the road
and pointed every which way
not to help me find my direction
but to make themselves feel superior

I don't want to fall in love again
but I find myself helpless
and I ask myself why
or how many times
or who I really am

your birthday sweeps past
and I must pretend I don't even know
but I never forget a thing
not even the birthday mislabeled
and the sweet soft giggle in your heart

there is no way, it seems,
to build a bridge over these waters
so I stand on the brink with my
virtual eyes and look into the past

what once was an abyss
has become for me a door

and I WILL go through it...