I'm sick of Orthodox Christianity, and I just figured out why...

... well, now that I have your attention.

Yeah, really.

And no, it doesn't have anything to do with "all the inner turmoil" I've experienced this year.

Yeah, well, I know this doesn't sound "all that pious" of me. Enjoying the scandal? Might as well find out why. Keep reading.

Tonight I landed upon this article here which has the interesting title More Teens Becoming 'Fake' Christians. Rather catchy, eh? While reading this article, I realized what it is that has been bothering me for some time - the whole year really - ever since I met the first truly authentic Orthodox Christian I had encountered in a very long time. I say authentic Orthodox Christian, when she wasn't even actually an Orthodox Christian at the time, because she was/is a truly authentic person. And nobody is really buying into authenticity these days. Except for the teens. And that's why they are leaving the Church.

I'll tell you the full-meal-deal. Thing is, when I said "I'm sick of Orthodox Christianity" I didn't mean our religious faith, really I didn't mean I was sick of our religion itself. What I'm sick of is the way we have decided as an Orthodox culture to practice our faith. That's what I'm sick of, and I'll tell you why.

Authenticity. I remember when I was a young person, I got lucky. I just happened upon a Christian Church where "the youth were on fire." Have any of you ever encountered that in your protestant Christian days? What it meant at the time was that the teens of the Church were sick and tired of their parents and grandparents being stuffy old pew-stuffers who just sat there to please themselves each Sunday by looking nice and sharing their painted-on faces with one another and their Amen's and God-Bless-Yous. What these teenagers started doing was reading the scriptures, getting involved in charitable activities, and discussing REAL topics, from REAL life from a Christian point of view.

Why are we Orthodox so self-absorbed? We've got the marvelous example of the saints and the things they've done, but all we do is sit on our comfy couches, drinking our comfy micro-brews, singing our apostolic songs, that are so true and so wonderful because they are so ancient, and never internalizing anything, never taking action in our own lives to follow in the footsteps of those Godly beacons of faith, or even to actually do the wonderful things we love quoting to one another on our facebook walls. We are stuff old pew-stuffers who love to say our Amens and God-Bless-Yous in the original Greek (or Slavonic), and we call THAT authenticity.

Now, I know I'll be accused of being sanctimonious here, of making myself out to be better than everyone else, and all that. Ok, I admit all this doesn't sound so good. I can tell you that I'm just as rotten as all those I'm supposedly accusing, and I am, but I'm not accusing anyone here anyway. I'm just pointing some things out. It is easy to get sick of mediocrity - in ourselves and in Church leaders that don't challenge us to make progress in our lives.

But the next time you ask yourself why so many of the youth are leaving the Church maybe you should consider this. Most teenagers start asking questions. They start probing all the things they've been taught their whole lives, and challenging those things. They aren't doing this out of rebellion. They are doing it out of an ordinary sense of need for authenticity. Most young people start asking themselves such questions in their teen years, and it lasts well into early adulthood - sometimes their whole lives. That's a good thing, not a bad thing. If all they learn in Church is about how Godly Saint Blagalucious was beheaded and had his right hand chopped off for the sake of God in 1542, are they going to remember that or the words to their favorite pop song? You guess.

We need instruction that is relevant to our own lives, that's all I'm saying. We need to be engaged by the reality and authenticity that is inherent in our liturgical tradition, and not something that wears a mask of indifference to the world around us. I'm sick of phonies, and you know what? So are the youth.

Gah!

That's crazy.

I just spent an hour modifying my Fly In The Holy Oil page ONLY because I wanted to have titles to my posts!!!! Gah!

Now I can't remember what I wanted to post any more.

forgetting

The Wandering Love Cycle

The moon glistens on a silhouette
and tears well up in my eyes

There is so much to taste here
to touch to hold

to devour

Night upon star-filled night

To love too much?
Or to feel too little?

To understand the consequences
of each subtle glance
of each gentle fragrance
of each tender embrace

My heart is so full
it cannot contain another breath
My burden so light
that it gives me wings
and I fly

To contemplate the nuances
of each subtle glance
of each gentle fragrance
of each tender embrace

The dewdrops that glisten
The leaves and the tears

The rhythms that pulsate
in my weeping brow

Do you think I love too much?
Do you feel so little?

Beauty fills the air
like a fragrance
that intoxicates

I find myself
in the mirror of your loveliness

Speak to me
Kiss my wounds
and you will own my love
forever

Falling Asleep


It is a dark night of soul
laced with the movement
of soft shadows, wind,
moonlight streaming through tears,
where branches scrape the hollows.

It is a deep night of soul
dank with the smell of
white and black
the shimmer of resonant
voices against the dream.

It is the sleep of sorrows
drawing me near the depths
the steep draught, hopeless
impersonating death,
infinite in finality.

It is a bright day of soul
a dawn of illusion, a
whisper of kindness
drawn out under a breath
a wink, a kiss.

It is better here if I lay
in grief and observe the
subtle nuisances of stupidity
as it grips and scours
my scorched soul.

Why did, how could, for what would
I lay such a burden as this upon you?

I should not, but have.

Map Of The Problematique

I think this is one of my favorite Muse songs.

Map Of The Problematique

Fear
And panic in the air
I want to be free
From desolation and despair
And I feel
Like everything I saw
Is being swept away
When I refuse to let you go

I can't get it right
Get it right
Since I met you

Loneliness be over
When will this loneliness be over?

Life
Will flash before my eyes
So scattered and lost
I want to touch the other side
And no one
Thinks they are to blame
Why can't we see
That when we bleed we bleed the same?

I can't get it right
Get it right
Since I met you

Loneliness be over
When will this Loneliness be over?

Loneliness be over
When will this Loneliness be over?

Thought for the day from Circa Survive

I've tried so hard
to be what you needed
your imaginary enemy
I've tried for so long
to make you believe it
that I am not the enemy
imaginary enemy

R & J


ROMEO:
If I may trust the flattering truth of sleep,
My dreams presage some joyful news at hand:
My bosom's lord sits lightly in his throne;
And all this day an unaccustom'd spirit
Lifts me above the ground with cheerful thoughts.
I dreamt my lady came and found me dead--
Strange dream, that gives a dead man leave
to think!--
And breathed such life with kisses in my lips,
That I revived, and was an emperor.
Ah me! how sweet is love itself possess'd,
When but love's shadows are so rich in joy!

* * * *

Wow. Such wonderful irony. If you were hearing it for the first time you wouldn't necessarily know, but if you already know how the story turns out, then you know when you hear it that it is straight irony.

I've read, seen movies, seen the ballet numerous times, etc. of Romeo and Juliet, but this was, I think, the first time I've ever actually seen the play live. We went to a free outdoor performance tonight - Shakespeare in the park - and I was blown away at how good it was. Such a rich and relevant story after all these years.

I was struck by the directors comments that I read in the program before the play, that Romeo and Juliet is all about HATRED. Wow. We concentrate on the "love" and how the love is so intense but left unfulfilled, but truly this story is all about hatred - it is about people and their hatred keeping even the most pure, most beautiful and most wondrous love from actually reaching any sort of "happily ever after." We tend to focus on the great tragedy of suicide. We tend to focus on a sort of love-out-of-control that leads someone to the point of suicide, when really it isn't the love-out-of-control that leads them to suicide, it is the intervention of well-meaning but stupid individuals whose prejudices take something beautiful (their love for each other) and make it into something destructive.

Such a sad, sad tale. But the reality is: it is just like real life! People are still doing that today... constantly! I think it happens more often than any other way, with parents mucking in the relationships that their kids develop as they grow up and start reaching out to others on their own. Especially in romantic relationships, but it can happen in other relationships, too. And it need not be their parents mucking in their lives, it could be other respected and well-meaning adults.

Tonight's performance was so awesome, and the script so well crafted, that it brought me to tears more than once, even though a certain someone seated next to me couldn't handle the intensity of emotions and kept breaking up laughing. But I respect that everyone handles such intensity in their own way.

As for me, it really made me start thinking about life, stories, tales, and how I want to write. For me it was really a "second look at Romeo and Juliet" - a story I had always felt was melodramatic to the point of no longer being relevant. How wrong I was!